Family Dramas

It seems since my husband left for BMT, life has tossed many different situations in my direction... I hired a babysitter who took terrible care of my children and thought I was going to have to quit my job because of it... My computer took a crap on me... My son completely destroyed his toddler bed that was less than 2 weeks old... My ATM card to access my husbands pay never showed up and I'm left unable to access money desperately needed. Rent was not able to get paid til it was 15 days late. The bow was tied neatly for a few of these things, rent did get paid, albeit late. I hired a new babysitter who seems to be working out great and so i didn't have to quit my job. The toddler bed is still destroyed and the kids are sleeping on a mattress on the floor, but a new indestructible (i hope) bed will be on the way this week... The bank says they are sending another ATM card but until then I was able to transfer some of the funds from his account to my own to have access to them. I bought a cheap netbook to be able to do my bills and such online.. So many disasters to deal with but they were dealt with and my sanity kept.. But not everything is so easy.

Yesterday my inlaws informed me that they will probably not be going to my husbands BMT graduation. Before he left, he told them how much he wanted them there and they assured him they would be, no matter what. They said money wasn't an issue, they had plenty, but to make it easier on them, I even offered to pay their hotel expenses, leaving them only with the bill for gas to get there and the food they eat. Last night they said that they couldn't afford the gas to get from NC to Texas but if I would pay for their expenses, they would still go.

If I honestly believed they couldn't afford it, I would probably gladly pay their way, even though doing so would financially strap me. I'm already paying for a rental car as my van does not have AC and last time I went to Texas my daughter suffered from hypothermia and almost died outside of Lufkin in 110 degree heat. I also have to pay for the gas to get down there and food expenses for not just myself but three children and my husband when he is in my possession. And lets not forget not one but two hotel rooms. Saving money for this trip on my side is hard enough when I'm paying nearly 400 bucks out of my paycheck every two weeks for babysitting, an expense I did not have before he left, on top of utilities, car payment, car insurance, and basic provisionals and such. But my inlaws currently live with family, so they have no bills to pay and are bringing in almost as much as me a month due to Social Security and medical retirement. So how they can expect me to pay for them and their 17 year old son to me seems a bit insensitive.

I should have expected this however. My father in law feels he is entitled to things. Those of us who have more or make more than he does, he feels the need to belittle or degrade in order to make himself look better. He expressed to my husband that he felt I made too much money for the job I do because it did not involve manual labor. Rather than being happy for his son that he had married a woman who was educated and successful in her career, he was pissed that I made more money than he did. He took advantage of the fact I made a nice paycheck. They came and stayed with me for 2 weeks here in Michigan two summers ago. The entire time they were here, they didn't help pay their food expenses and when I was trying to feed 8 people with one paycheck, he complained about what I was fixing for dinner. ("Spaghetti? What the fuck are we, vegetarians now?") Then one morning they left while I was at work and my husband was asleep, leaving their 16 year old son behind. They did not return for him for an entire year, and during that time, they did not send any money for his expenses. So these are the types of people my inlaws are. And it doesn't extend to just me - they have been hateful to their son in the past. When we couldn't afford to pay for minutes on our cell phone, his dad turned around and left a voice mail telling my husband to "Get a fucking life and get a fucking job". Most recently, they have yet to send a letter to my husband in BMT when they said they would write. He has received daily letters from me and several from both my mother and father, but none from his parents. When I talked to them last, I asked if they had written to him. His dad's answer was "I don't like to write, I'd rather just talk to him on the phone"..

Now my conundrum is the fact of how to tell my husband his parents aren't going. I know this news will be hurtful to him... he hoped that they would share with him in such a momentous point in his life. Do i wait until I see him and Graduation and tell him then or do I let him know ahead of time? I'm torn... if i tell him now, he'll be upset and his head won't be in the game at BMT but at least he'll be able to work through the disappointment before graduation. If he finds out on Thursday before he graduates, will it take away some of the pride in graduating the next day?

Sometimes I wish I was on a tv series. At least in a span of 30 to 60 minutes, all the pieces would fit together and that pretty bow would wrap it all up for me.